READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
