He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
