and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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