That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
