nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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