If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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