you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
