if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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