I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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