I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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