Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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