I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
