I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
