she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
