i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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