Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
