The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
