I will die if light touches me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
