Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
