I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
