I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
