Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
