u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
