I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
