can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
