Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
