I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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