"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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