I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
