New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
