I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
