You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
