It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
