I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
