Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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