Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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