At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he thought i was a dude.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
