Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
