ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
