just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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