Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
