You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
