Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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