i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
