My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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