Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
