i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
