I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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