I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
