I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
