Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
