Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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