Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
