nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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