Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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