I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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