It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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