I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
