I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dick very happy bro
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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