i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
