Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
