just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
