this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
