if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
