She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
