Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
