this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
