I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
