Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize